My Diabetic Heart

Today’s Diabetes Blog Week topic is: My Favorite Things
As we wrap up another Diabetes Blog Week, let’s share a few of our favorite things from the week. This can be anything from a #DBlogWeek post you loved, a fantastic new-to-you blog you found, a picture someone included in a post that spoke to you, or comment left on your blog that made you smile. Anything you liked is worth sharing!

Well, here we are. It’s the last day of the Fifth Annual Diabetes Blog Week,
and the topic of the day is all about sharing our favorites from the week. 

I’ve read so many great blog posts this week. I could spend a long time trying to narrow down my favorites, but I’m not going to because I think all of the posts and participants are deserving of recognition.

As I prepared to respond to today’s prompt, I spent a great deal of time reflecting upon the impact that reading the blogs of so many amazing individuals had on my life in the early days of my diagnosis.   And I came to the conclusion that no single blog or individual was more deserving of admiration than the others.

I believe the words of Maya Angelou sum it up best:

“We all should know that diversity makes for a rich tapestry, and we must understand that all the threads of the tapestry are equal in value no matter what their color.”

Simply put, I admire each and everyone of you just the same.  Every person and every blog, no matter the type, background, etc… is part of my life with diabetes, and my life is much richer as a result.

If I were to express admiration for any one set of things that every blogger has in common it would be for the strength and courage each person displays in opening their hearts and sharing his or her experiences in living with diabetes.  It takes great strength and courage to open up and share things that may be perceived as a weakness in this world that is all too often uncaring and cruel.

And I would be remiss if I didn’t thank you all for inspiring me to do the same.  If it weren’t for the inspiration I gained from reading the experiences of fellow PWD’s, My Diabetic Heart wouldn’t exist.

It’s been great getting back into blogging this week after three months away from it. My thanks to those who encouraged me to give it a try again.

And finally, many thanks to Karen for hosting DBW again this year and to everyone who helped her organize it. It’s been great.

Lots of Love, my friends!

Today’s Diabetes Blog Week Topic is: Saturday Snapshots
Back for another year, let’s show everyone what life with diabetes looks like!  With a nod to the Diabetes 365 project, let’s grab our cameras again and share some more d-related pictures.  Post as many or as few as you’d like.  Feel free to blog your thoughts on or explanations of your pictures, or leave out the written words and let the pictures speak for themselves.

Let me start by saying that I always love photo day during Diabetes Blog Week. I love it because I’m very much a visual kind of person, and it gives me a chance to focus more on capturing aspects of life through images, while not having to struggle with finding the right words. It’s just easier. So, thank you, Karen, for continuing to include it during DBW.  And now, onto the images.

Sometimes, less really is more.  For example, this one photo encompasses many of the aspects of my life with type 2 diabetes and congestive heart failure. It depicts all of the things that are a part of life each day.  All of the pills for my heart, all of the blood glucose checks, and all of the injections.  It pays tribute to events that are important to me.  The sculpture in the middle is the “Garden of Pain” piece that I did for Diabetes Art Day a while back.  And it offers a nod to technologies that make life with both diseases a little easier.  Meters that connect to smartphones and that well known hashtag I created on Twitter.

One image.  So many messages.  Less is more.

Less images about diabetes = more time for images of things that make me smile.

Like the groundhog that has taken up residence in my backyard.

And Daffodils along the trials that I frequently hike.

And birds with attitude

And last, but certainly not least, my girl.

Today’s Diabetes Blog Week topic is:  Diabetes Life Hacks
Share the (non-medical) tips and tricks that help you in the day-to-day management of diabetes.  Tell us everything from clothing modifications, serving size/carb counting tricks to the tried and true Dexcom-in-a-glass trick or the “secret” to turning on a Medtronic pump’s backlight when not on the home-screen (scroll to the bottom of this post). Please remember to give non-medical advice only!

I spent most of the day yesterday and today trying to figure out what to post for today’s topic.  I’ve also spent all day dealing with a case of food poisoning, so to say I’ve been distracted would be an understatement.   I thought about simply skipping today, but I set a goal of finishing all of my posts this week, so that option was out.    So, what to post?

A couple of years ago, I took part in the Health Activist Writer’s Month Challenge and one of the topics was to come up with a mascot for ourselves, our medical issues, our health focus, whatever. And provide a visual if possible.  And much like now, I put something together at the last minute.   It was a lot of fun and several folks liked it, so I thought I’d share it again.  While it may not exactly fit the prompt (sorry Karen), it meets the “non-medical advice” clause.

So, without further adieu, here’s my hacked together mascot recipe.  Enjoy!

Ingredients: 1 goofy pancreas, 1 big soft heart, a sense of humor, a pinch of sarcasm, and the fighting spirit of one ninja.

Preparation:

Take one goofy pancreas and combine with a big, soft heart in a poorly functioning body.

Put that mixture through the fires of hell. Stir in the fighting spirit of one ninja to help the body rise to the challenge it’s facing.

Remove from fires of hell and let rest. Cover with sense of humor to ease the pain.

And walla, you’ve got some thing that could adequately represent me.

Oh, and don’t forget to top the whole thing with a pinch of sarcasm. 🙂

Today’s Diabetes Blog Week topic is:  Mantras and More
Yesterday we opened up about how diabetes can bring us down. Today let’s share what gets us through a hard day.  Or more specifically, a hard diabetes day.  Is there something positive you tell yourself?  Are there mantras that you fall back on to get you through?  Is there something specific you do when your mood needs a boost?  Maybe we’ve done that and we can help others do it too?

On my worst days with diabetes and congestive heart failure, when everything seems to be going wrong and I’m ready to give up,  I try to remember how far I’ve come since I started on this journey.  I try to remember the struggles I’ve overcome this far and the strength and determination it took to do so.  I try to use that as assurance that I can get through the difficulties before me.  I say try because some days it works, and other days it makes no difference at all.

Some days, looking back through my blog archives for inspirational quotes that I’ve shared helps.   This quote from a post in 2012 has become something of a mantra or motto.  It’s certainly fitting.

“A little heart can do big things.” – me

Some times, though, I really just have to take the time to remember who I am.  I have to look inside myself and reconnect with the person that I know I am.

I am a strong, confident, caring, loving, and passionate man. I have a sound mind, and a strong spirit. I am well educated; possessing the knowledge and abilities needed to make it in this world. I am strong willed; filled with a sense of determination and endurance that will carry me through all situations. I am filled with respect, not only for others, but more importantly, for myself.

I’ve had more than my share of those days recently.  And I’ve spent a great deal of time trying to reconnect and thinking things through.  I’m making progress.  Slowly but surely.

Over the last few months, I’ve found that the absolute best thing for helping my mood and clearing my mind is spending time hiking the trails at the many nature preserves in the area.  And now that the weather is nicer, that’s how most of my days off from work are being spent.  I take my nature and trail guides, camera, notebook, walking stick and water, and hit the trails.   I stay out for hours at a time.  And it helps a lot.

And taking my camera along on my walks in the woods has provided plenty of material for a new photo blog that I’ve been working on lately.  Check out SparrowTreePhotography.com when you have a minute.  I’d love feedback on my work there.

One last quote.  It’s one of my favorites.

“Life is not a journey to the grave with intentions of arriving safely in a pretty well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming … WOW! What a ride!” ~ Author Unknown

Today’s Diabetes Blog Week topic is:  What Brings Me Down
May is Mental Health Month so now seems like a great time to explore the emotional side of living with, or caring for someone with, diabetes. What things can make dealing with diabetes an emotional issue for you and / or your loved one, and how do you cope? 

From a distance, I often seem to be the most upbeat and positive person around when it comes to my life with type 2 diabetes and congestive heart failure.  Some would say that I make dealing with these conditions seem so easy.  If they only knew the hell that I battle through each day, they’d see that there is nothing easy about it at all.  And they’d also come to see that there is often a great deal of bitterness and resentment towards these conditions lurking just below the cheery disposition they are so used to seeing.

I hate the pain I experience each time a lancet or needle pierces my skin for a test.  And I hate that my fingers bleed forever after a test because of the blood thinners I have to take because of my heart.

I hate that a lancet can be used until the damn steel pin breaks off, yet a test strip can only be used once.  And I really can’t stand the fact that test strips cost so fucking much for us to buy, yet cost next to nothing for the manufacturers to produce.  And don’t get me started on the blasted insurance companies telling us we can’t have them.

There are days that I truly hate knowing what life without diabetes is like.  You definitely can miss what you do know to be possible.  And I often feel so guilty knowing there are people who have never known what it’s like to be diabetes free.

I hate hearing about another child who has been diagnosed and cheated out of that experience, and hate hearing of another adult who has been stripped of the lives they once knew.

And my heart breaks a little more with each report of another life stolen by this god awful disease.  I hate the fear that my own life, or that of my friends & family members could be taken in the same way.

I hate knowing that dear friends are hurting and going through hell because of this disease, and knowing that all I can do is offer a hug and the seemingly meaningless words “Hang in there.”

I hate being a problem solver and knowing that diabetes is one problem for which there is no solution.

Most of all, I just hate feeling so damn… helpless…

Topic for Day 2 of Diabetes Blog Week: Poetry Tuesday – Tuesday 5/13
This year, Diabetes Blog Week and TuDiabetes are teaming up to bring out the poet in you! Write a poem, rhyme, ballad, haiku, or any other form of poetry about diabetes. After you’ve posted it on your blog, share it on the No Sugar Added® Poetry page on TuDiabetes, and read what others have shared there as well!

This is a piece that I wrote back in May 2009. I’m not sure if I’d call it a poem or not, but it is reflective of my journey. And, given my struggles as of late, it seems fitting to share again.

An Uncertain Crossing

Life is, in essence, a journey; a long walk on a path
that winds the mountains high and valleys low.

Along the path, you may encounter some rough spots;
there may be rain, fallen rocks, and rivers to cross.
As each situation arises, you must find a way to get by,
and continue on your journey.

Being diagnosed with a chronic illness like Diabetes,
Congestive Heart Failure, or others is like suddenly finding
yourself face to face with the biggest, widest river you have
even seen, and having no idea how you are going to get
across it to continue your journey.

Faced with such a daunting challenge, you see very few
options from which to choose. You can either stand still,
and watch as the river overflows its banks and sweeps you away,
or you can try to find a way to cross the river and continue on your way.

You quickly realize the river is too wide, and the currents are too strong
for you to swim across. There are also no boats, or any other means of
quickly crossing to the safety of the other side.

So, you now venture from the familiar path and into the wilderness in
search of a way across the river. And when you’ve just about given up
hope of finding a way, you come upon an old, rickety bridge, that looks
like it can barely hold itself up, let alone the weight of you.

As you stare at the bridge you take note of the many cracked and warped
wooden planks which make up the walk way. Some are even missing,
giving clear view of the raging river below. Fear and doubt consume your
thoughts; Will the bridge hold you? Will you make it? What will happen
if you don’t try to cross?

Suddenly, you realize that while you’ve been searching for a way across,
and allowing fear and doubt to take over your mind, the river has spilled
out of its banks, and the currents are now raging toward you.

Adrenaline fills your veins, and you know what you have to do. There’s no
turning back now. And after a quick prayer, and a last look behind, you
take a running jump onto the bridge, and you keep running. All in a
desperate attempt to make it to ….

Whether you will make it safely to the other side is known only
to God. All you can do is place your trust and faith in Him as you
face An Uncertain Crossing.

Today marks the start of the Fifth Annual Diabetes Blog Week, and I’m proud to be participating again as I have from the beginning.  Many thanks to my good friend Karen for hosting this wonderful event and to those who helped her put everything together this year.

Today’s topic:  Change the World
Let’s kick off Diabetes Blog Week by talking about the diabetes causes and issues that really get us fired up. Are you passionate about 504 plans and school safety? Do diabetes misconceptions irk you? Do you fight for CGM coverage for Medicare patients, SDP funding, or test strip accuracy? Do you work hard at creating diabetes connections and bringing support? Whether or not you “formally” advocate for any cause, share the issues that are important to you.

For me, there are a number of diabetes related issues and causes that I care about deeply.  The stereotypes and stigmas surrounding type 2 diabetes, like the bullshit notion that needing insulin means you’re a failure, and the connections between diabetes and heart disease.  Just to name a couple.

Since I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and congestive heart failure in December 2008, I’ve thrown myself head first into educating myself, connecting with others who are in similar situations, and sharing my experiences via my blog and other venues in hopes of helping others facing the same issues that I am.  I’ve met a lot of amazing people on this journey and have experienced things, good and bad, that I never would have if it weren’t for the diseases with I live.  And the love and support I’ve received from dear friends in the Diabetes Online Community in my darkest hours has been incredible.

One cause that I’ve often neglected over the last five years is that of making time for taking care of myself and my own needs.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I do take care of myself.  But there always seems to be something that gets in the way. Something that takes my focus from my needs.  I put everyone else first, that’s just in my nature.  But I pay for it later.

I’m still dealing with many of the same struggles that I wrote about several months ago in the post, Trying to break the bonds.  And I’ve been dealing with new health issues and constant battles with my insurance company since the beginning of the year.  And to be quite honest, I’ve been feeling defeated and tired of fighting.  My ability and desire to write about everything has been all but non-existent.  My blog has been silent for 3 months and my level of engagement in the DOC has dwindled.  I’m still around, warming the bench a bit, but I’m around.

I turned 30 at the end of March.  I never expected to reach that age.  Five years ago, I was told I probably wouldn’t.  I’ve been thinking a lot about that.  And about the need to take care of some things.

Sometimes a break is needed.  Sometimes you have the focus on your own needs.  Sometimes you have to get your affairs in order, before you try to change the world.

That’s my cause.